My Bonus Aunt Verla

My bonus family - Judy, Dennis, Aunt Verla, and Dwain.

I had no idea I had an Aunt Verla until about six years ago.  

That was when a woman named Judy reached out on 23AndMe saying, “Apparently, we’re first cousins. Where are you from? My parents are from West Virginia and Tennessee.”

The fact that my brother and I were adopted was never a secret. Mom and Dad were always right up front about the fact that they had chosen us to be theirs. So, it wasn’t a total shock that there were relatives with genetic matches somewhere in the world. But this online message made it all very real.

I responded with the few facts I knew – born in Columbus in November 1955, and I thought the last name of my birthmother was Arnold.

Within an hour I had the “OMG text” back.

Judy’s mother, Verla, never knew for certain why her younger sister ran off to Columbus from their home in Welch, WV. She always suspected she was pregnant as she didn’t contact her family for months, until Aunt Verla threatened to come and track her down. Verla’s sister, Ella, did get back in touch but never told her family she had had a child.

Judy and I communicated back and forth, reveling in these bonus family ties and imagining what ifs. By the time I met Judy, her aunt Ella had already passed, but her mother Verla was very much alive.

I spoke to my newfound Aunt Verla within a month or so and, oh my, what a lovely soul. Her first words to me were, “If I had had any idea my sister was pregnant, why, I would have raised you as my own.”

In her lovely Tennessee/West Virginia drawl, she projected sincerity of compassion that went beyond the words.

When Ella gave birth to me, Aunt Verla already had two children of her own – sons David and Dennis. Then was Janet followed by Dwain, and the baby, Judy. Her husband was an electrician named Felts and Aunt Verla was determined that her boys would not go into the primary local Welch industry of coal mining. With a persistence all her own, she pushed her husband to seek work near the Aberdeen Proving Ground in Maryland so she could move her family.

It was a hardscrabble life, as described by Aunt Verla. Her husband traveled up and down the East Coast for his work, forgetting at times to leave money at home for food for the kids. So, Aunt Verla became an independent entrepreneur, selling Avon products on the base. At one point, she said, she was the primary purveyor to the administrative assistants and staff on the base.

“That kept me in peanut butter for the kids’ lunches,” she chuckled.

I met Aunt Verla in person twice. Once, on a trip to D.C., I hopped a local train up to meet her and my cousins Judy and Dwain. We had lunch altogether, marveling at the mannerisms that reminded them of their Aunt Ella. It was strange to realize that my head tilt, and facial twerks may have had a genetic underpinning.

We promised to get together again. And we did in 2018, when Jacques and I were back on the East Coast. On that visit, we went to dinner with Aunt Verla, Dwain, Judy, and Dennis. Dennis brought photos, and Aunt Verla provided captions for them.

When we told her that we were going to drive back to Minnesota by way of the West Virginia hollers of her childhood, she cautioned to be careful on the roads around Welch and Capels.

“Remember, there are two sides of the roads in the West Virginia mountains,” she said. “There’s the safe side and there’s the sui-cide.” And then she chuckled her deep rich laugh that spoke volumes about her life.

I will miss hearing that laugh, that chuckle. We meant to go back. We meant to schedule a trip for the cousins to Minnesota. COVID happened, and then Aunt Verla had a fall that led to complications resulting in the loss of a leg. Her children asked her to approve that surgery. She did, saying, “Well I guess you’ll need to call me stumpy from now on.”

My Aunt Verla Lee Arnold Felts passed away last week at the age of 92. She was a strong, smart, deeply compassionate woman who will be missed.

She was married for 56 years until her husband passed, sold Avon for 55 years, and met a new niece at the age of 85. She had five children and a heart big enough to have raised another. Of that, I am absolutely certain.